In the Wind
by nicol-leoraine
Summary: Post Crossroad Blues. A little Dean angst on top of the question 'Just why didn't Dean made the deal'


**A/N:** _Hi, this is a short post-ep to **Crossroad blues**, so be warned for spoilers. Thanks goes to my wonderful beta **TangledPencils** and her fast work. _

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**In the Wind**

by Nicol Leoraine

The sea was dark, but it wasn't the color of the water that troubled him. The sky was black and promised a storm, the wind picking up speed every minute he spent on that rocky shore. He didn't mind it. The cold spray of water it brought to his face was a welcome relief from the heat that surged through his body...the heat of the argument that sent him from the nice and comfy interior of his car to this hard, but immensely calm place.

He saw the ocean for the first time in so many months he couldn't even count. They'd been on the road for what felt like an eternity now, but still they never just stopped to take a breath. He needed it now, he sought it desperately. So despite his brother's protest that they needed to move, to find a motel and crash there for the night so they could just continue toward their destination the next morning and maybe help someone else, he couldn't stand the stifling cabin of his own car.

He chuckled at that the sound close to the edge of hysterical laughter, which made him stop abruptly. Because who knew, once he started laughing, he may never stop. And who would tell if they were tears of laughter or tears of pain running down his face. He forced back another chuckle and shook his head, his right hand grabbing a fistful of small pebbles.

The phone in his jacket started ringing. He jerked at the sound and instantly chastised himself for it. He should've known his brother would call. He should probably take the call and tell him he'd be back in a few minutes, but suddenly he couldn't find the energy to reach into his pocket and do it. He let the phone ring, counting to ten until it stopped. He knew his brother would call again very soon, but for now, he was left in the blessed silence with only the wind and the sound of the ocean waves playing in the distance.

It wasn't really the case that rattled him, rather the things he'd learned. He shuddered but it wasn't the cold. The disgust of feeling the kiss he shared with the demon, the violation of it nothing compared to the pain that came with hearing the damned words.

Hell... just what was it? Who lived the worst hell... his dad who sacrificed his life for a son, or said son for knowing the price?

Eternity in hell.

He could've dealed if his dad had simply died. No, it wouldn't be easy, but death was something he understood, accepted. But how could he accept the suffering of the soul, the mere essence of the man that meant the world to him?

But what was worse was the fact he could've changed it. Wasn't it the real reason why he came to that crossroad and summoned the demon? When did strangers like Evan became priority before his own family?

But he knew the reply to that. They were always before the family. Any one of the Winchesters would lay his life on the line if an innocent was at risk. And that was how it should be. Still, there were some rules that Dean made for himself. First and foremost was 'Nothing comes before the family.' He was there to make sure of that. Make sure that Sammy had a life, that his father could rest in peace knowing the yellow-eyed demon was gone. To make sure they were alive even if that should cost him his own life.

But this rule was broken and it wasn't Dean who broke it but John Winchester. He was the first to break it and last night on that crossroad, Dean broke it the second time.

He chose to save Evan over his father. But why?

The anger bubbling inside him came closer to the surface and the sky above the ocean lit up as jagged lightening flashed, and then thunder roared.

Dean jerked but didn't stand to walk away. The pebbles in his hand were already hot and he wanted to hit something so badly he regretted he was on the shore, away from anything that could break, away from his car. The small stones in his hand suddenly felt too hot and he had to get rid of them, had to get rid of some of the anger and desperation, before it suffocated him. He stood and with a shout threw the pebbles into the stormy water that swallowedthem in welcome.

The rain started falling, the heavy drops only occasionally at first hitting Dean, then coming in closer succession. He didn't mind, didn't even notice it. The storm was loud, masking the anguished sounds that were coming from him. He couldn't stop them and for once didn't even try.

Sinking back to the ground, Dean pulled his knees to his chest and hid his face, letting the rain beat upon his body.

"You should've made the deal, Dean."

The syrupy sweet voice of the memory made him sick to his stomach and he was thankful for that burger Sam pushed into him earlier. At least there was something to come up, not just bile. Once he stopped retching, he turned his face up to the sky, catching the falling water in his mouth then spitting it out. He sank down, away from the waste and shook from cold.

He should've made that deal. What was there to lose? He still would've got ten years of life, which was something he didn't even imagine, not now. Ten years for a hunter was plenty enough. With his father and Sammy by his side, it was indeed a lifetime. So what if the price was eternity in hell? He would pay the price gladly if it meant his family was together once again.

So why didn't he?

_Because your dad sacrificed his life for you. He sacrificed his soul so you could stay and keep Sammy safe._

And there was no way he could look into his dad's eyes if he made a deal with the demon. Because even if it would bring his dad back, the man wouldn't be thankful, not if _he_ knew the price. Not if it cost an innocent's life, not if it cost Dean his.

So even if alive, they wouldn't be a family again. Not really. The hell would just continue there in life.

The cell phone started ringing again and Dean blinked, pulling the thing from his pocket, his fingers brushing away the fresh drops of rain from the display. He didn't need to look at the callers display to know it was Sam, still he did it and was surprised to see two other missed calls. Damn.

He flipped open the phone.

"I'll be back in five," was all he said then turned off the phone without hearing the reply.

He took several deep breaths, hands brushing through his wet hair and only now he realized he was dripping wet and shivering with cold. Shaking his head, he slowly made it to his feet, wobbling as the wind pushed into him, attacking his damp skin with a vengeance.

"Shit," Dean said without much heat. The sky was already turning blue, the clouds clearing up. The rain was stopping. He sighed and with one last look headed back to his car. He just wished the storm inside him could clear out so easily too. But some wishes were never granted and Dean knew that even if they could be, some shouldn't.

Feeling only slightly better, he walked towards the car and his waiting brother, not even trying to make up an excuse why he stayed out in the raging storm. He had a feeling the real storm was still coming.

**THE END**

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**Well, I hope you liked it grin **

**Any comments are welcome.**


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